a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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