fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
