did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize