she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
