I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
