I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
