I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
