there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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