I skipped work to stalk him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
