There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
