Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize