Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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