Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
