First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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