well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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