Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
