I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
