At least make sure they are 18
Why
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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