So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
