I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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