Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
