i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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