hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
