it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
