Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
