Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
