your room smells of hookers.
And success
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
