I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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