you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
