Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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