Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
