# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
