My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I looked at my own cervix.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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