I'm so fucking centered right now
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
