He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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