The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
