so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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