I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize