True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Come on in and take your pants off
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