new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize