I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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