i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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