is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
