dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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