so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize