I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found the puke drawer
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
