that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
