why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
