You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
