So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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