Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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