You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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