Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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