My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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