how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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