That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
