walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
