I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
