I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize