a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
