I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
