I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
