she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
