Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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