Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
