whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
