i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
