ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
