okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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